DEMANDS AND COMPLAINTS cont. from p. 25

way to satiisfy the militant lesbian demands applies here in Denver. Past events prove that as long as we continue to try and work with these militants they will never be satisfied with us or our performance. Not many men are ready to commit a slow painful suicide...even of our gay maleness, and until the militant lesbians wish to join us as equals and participate as equals rather than demand and complain. I join Mr. Goodstein in saying "they are most welcome to stay separate as long as like!"

(Thomas Hudson is an older Denver gay businessman who has been on the periphery of Denver Gay Community projects. He grew up in a medium size Midwest city, lasting through 12 years of nuns in parochial school and 35 years in the closet.)

THE GAY AND LESBIAN MOVEMENT

1969-?

A NEW SCRIPT... cont. from p. 25

bellum in the brain which integrates sensory experiences that allow for a shift in consciousness. A man's sexual pleasure is sustained by excitement of the psychomotor centers in the brain. When there is a high level of psychomotor activity, there is a high level of mental activity, "thinking,", which makes it difficult to get a good focus. Without the sustained focus, the sex act could be shorter in duration with less of the affective dimension of the experience. This could also create less emotional attachment to the sexual partner. Studies do not mean that the results should be etched in stone and should apply to the entire population, but

they do give us a springboard from which our ideas can jump in different directions.

As my ideas jump from the springboard, I think how fruitless it is for some women to dislike some mens' sexual behavior when that behavior has, in part, a neurobiological basis. How can we blame anyone for the way they were fashioned by the creator?

Speaking of blame, I am aware that the editorial in The Advocate reminded me of a sparring match. If the separatists say this and this, then I will defend myself and attack back. Attacking always stems from fear and guilt. No one attacks unless they first feel threatened and believe that through attack they can demonstrate their own strength, at the expense of another's vulnerability. Attacking just preserves the problem because it keeps the issue of guilt and fear from our awareness and it does not bring us inner peace. To experience peace, I wonder if we have to shift our perception. When we feel that a person is attacking us, we could see them as fearful and since fear is really a call for help and a request for love, we could change our behavior and give love and understanding instead of our usual mode of defending and attacking back. When I'm angry, I know that I'm scared about something, and when I'm scared, I want someone there to love me and let me suck my thumb. I wonder if we could experience peace if we recognize that we have a choice in determining what we perceive. I don't believe that we can really change the world we live in or other people. We can change how we perceive the world, how we perceive others and how we perceive ourselves. At one time in my life, I perceived myself to be the kind of mother the editorial referred to. The author wrote, "Many of us gay men were intimidated by and feared our mothers, and by extension other women. A very common attitude of gay male insecurity was created by our being bullied as children by girls and women, as well as by boys and men." I really hated myself for for the anger I felt at times, toward my children. I made myself physically sick with self hate. Now my perception toward myself has changed. Part of it was reading a study that concluded with the statement "the human female is more vulnerable to the effects of deprivation of physical attention and pleasure," I became painfully aware of the lack of physical nourishment that I received from my family. That lack awoke a frightened space in me. Fright over the fact that I had no power to get my needs met. So, from my powerless position, my only hope was to attempt to control my children. As the wicked witch of the west, I would have some sense of personal power. (Of course, it didn't work.) Perhaps if men and women would understand the dynamics that were present in fashioning "Mother", the most feared species in the world, and if they could understand and accept the neurobiological differences bewteeen men and women, then maybe we could rewrite the script of life where conflict betweeen the sexes is not the theme.

If not, I think I'll just cancel my season's subscription!

(Bobbi Furer is a lesbian therapist practicing in Denver. She has been involved in many lesbian and gay issues. and also works with the Association for Humanistic Psychology and the Holistic Health Network).

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